Today. Around India (Mostly Delhi though)

Nitin Gadhkari …of the famous laugh and jelly belly, today put his all behind Anna. “We support Anna. His strength of character is exemplary and BJP supports his movement through thick and ….well….thick”. A dispassionate political commentator who refuses to be named has politically commented (because that’s his job) that Gadhkari should take the 11 days Anna program of Fasting. This will reduce the Jelly and let the belly come through. He further added that 40% of Indian grain production is currently residing in the jelly belly, and so, Gadhkari could go on a truly indefinite fast to support any issue. However he would find few takers. The man on the street, when asked about Gadhkari’s statement, replied “ Gadhkari WHO?”

Vandana Luthra has filed case against Anna Hazare. She claims that he has conspired to close her clinics down. Its rumored that attendance to VLCC clinics all over the country have fallen. 25000 franchises of the VLCC chain and their employees have resigned in disgust. Anna’s 11 day program for weight reduction has found takers amongst middle aged people all over India who happened to consist of 90% of her clientele (The remaining 10% were over middle age).

Anna couldn’t be contacted for his comments as he was apparently running around Ram Leela maidan in Delhi. A panting Kiran Bedi said “Anna is value adding to the 11 day 6 kg sure shot program”.

After having slammed Anna for being anti muslim, Mr Bukhari re emerged from the recesses of the little korma shop behind Jumma Masjid and declared his unfailing support to Anna and his fast “I am sorry for my earlier comments” He said..”Anna is totally pro Islam. He has chosen the holy month of Ramadan to do his fast. He is an inspiration to Muslims all over the world”. He ended his statement by committing that he will have a chat with Mr Abu Musab al-Zarqawi about making Anna the spiritual head of peaceful Islam anywhere in the world. On being reminded that Anna is a Gandhian, Mr Bukhari replied that Gandhi was a shadow Muslim with definite leanings towards militancy. He could not further explain this preposterous point of view.

Dalits have refused to comment.

30% of Indians who live below the poverty line (That straight line just south of your belly) have registered an organization called – INDIANS FOR POVERTY. They claimed that they would soon go on an indefinite fast in venues spread across the length and breadth of India…mainly their own homes…in support of killing hunger. Official spokes gal of the organization Ms Poonam Pandey said “ I will go nude to inspire this fast. My nudeness will serve as a reminder that lack of food is not bad. It’s the will power that counts”. Unofficial spokeswoman and mother of 10, Shreemati Bhanumati from Bastar, Bihar, said “We have practice….it will be a breeze…we can get by a season without food comfortably”. Its rumored that Nitin Gadhkari may support this movement as well….Only he cant decide about the part of him that will support this.

The official slogan of the movement has been coined by Shri Piyush Pandey – “NO FOOD ….DAMN GOOD”. Students from IIM (Kazhikode) and Lovely Professional University are analyzing the brand potential of this slogan.

In the meantime, the parliament is rocking….Manmohan Singh almost said something interesting….but then changed his mind.

However, as they say, It’s the thought that counts…

Delhi - This evening

It has been reported by reliable sources that Anna, like Subhash Bose, has given the incredible cry of ‘Chalo Delhi’. At the time of creating this slogan, Anna, hands raised, was standing in the heart of the Ram Leela maidan, which, for the uninitiated and for those who had forgotten …happens to be in the heart of Delhi.

Various people from various places in India have woken up to the fact that the weekend is coming up. Airline companies have hiked rates and Railways have run out of tickets. Team Anna, has released a statement that goes “There is a conspiracy afoot by the government to prevent people from coming to Delhi. If the Airline companies don’t lower rates, then we will introduce an amendment in the Jan Lok Pal bill that will ban all Airlines. Anna has promised to go on a fast following this fast if the Airlines don’t act fast enough. We also have another demand. Rail traffic to Delhi needs to be increased by 500%. At least 2000 new trains need to be introduced from all cities to Delhi. This has to be done by tomorrow evening, or else, we will do a rail roko andolan starting today evening”.

The people from Delhi…native to Delhi…staying in Delhi claimed that Anna’s call was not for them as they stayed in Delhi from before. Therefore they are currently making a beeline for the Cinema Halls and Bars and Discos in various parts of Delhi. Said resident Gurpreet Singh from Mayur Vihar “I think we are not understanding what Annaji has to say. He is asking people to come to Delhi….This is his way of increasing tourism to the Capital city of India. I will definitely vote for him next time in Election and hope he become Tourism minister of entire India. Right now…I need to get drunk”.

It has been reported that the ‘Chalo Delhi’ visitors to Delhi will be put up at places that have never been touched by corruption. After extensive survey work, the authorities have circled in on one square centimeter of land in North Eastern Extreme of the city.

In another wholly unrelated development, Arnab Goswami has resigned from Times Now. It is said that his hearing has been prematurely effected from ‘The Studio Noise Syndrome’. In a media statement, a visibly distraught Arnab said “I have given my all to bring you divergent point of views. Now with a heavy heart I will need to retire due to Medical reasons”. Of course he couldn’t hear the sound of fire crackers that went off.

Unconfirmed report also said that Manmohan Singh has threatened to go on a fast until death till Anna doesn’t withdraw his agitation. When quizzed about this, Mr Singhvi, official Congress spokesperson , looked puzzled and said “No comments” A reporter reportedly overheard him screaming on the phone to somebody….”Why did nobody tell me he was alive in the first place….Nobody tells me anything…I will report this to madam…for sure”

An open letter to Anna

Dear Anna

We are here right now. 65 years after democracy came to us, I may add – On a platter, we are right where we started - Protests forming what they call a second fight for independence.

Look around you…WE ARE FREE…In as much as a modern society can be without completely descending to anarchy. We are free. That freedom is reflected in the protests of the civil society, in the voices that hit you from the television sets, when you see people take to the streets and wave slogans and banners, when you see people drive on the wrong side of the road, when you hear of elected representatives raping minor girls and poor people staying anywhere that they fancy.

Tell me, where else in the world would you find a country more independent.
Anna, please note that curbing of corruption has to start with the definition of corruption. Corruption and I am only assuming here, in the present context is ‘Using of one’s office for personal advancement over public interest in a way that is illegal and unconstitutional’.

(I do not know if that is the right definition. I don’t know what the Indian constitution or the Indian Government says about it…but nor do at least a billion of my compatriots. I say Anna, I am the majority.)

However, going back….If that is (or at least comes close to) what corruption is, then there are any number of bodies that have been instituted by state or center to fight it. There is the CVC, the Vigilance cells in each large body, the ACB etc etc that have been set up to do exactly that. In fact you have the entire Police department, that stalwart of nepotism and petty bibery, which has been there for donkey’s years for crying out loud.

I say, Anna, and I say it in a tone that represents request - Shouldn’t we first run a movement that fights for the effective implementation of policy! Shouldn’t we make the existing bodies effective rather than imposing yet another huge organization with its own bureaucracy? Shouldn’t we insist that the legal system be galvanized into doing what you are trying to take in your own hands?

Annaji, look around; there are people around you who are not exactly the stuff that idols are made of. Of course there are guys who mean well and are above personal reproach, but hey, I don’t wanna take names, there are a few who may have Swiss accounts as well. Its political Anna and you know it.

Tell me Anna, what are the odds of you and your all India movement standing for elections, coming to power and then raising this issue?

That would be the constitutional way really. That would be the victoriously right way….That would be the way to go rather than give soaring TRP to unscrupulous channels, who exist because of people like you Anna. They make your mind up for you, no escape.
Imagine, if you got a true majority in the house, you wouldn’t have to fight on the streets…You could actually do this without the Tamasha…

But for that Anna, this needs to be a truly mass thing. A thing that almost ensures you a walkover in a democratic process. Are you sure of getting that Anna? Are you really sure this is a mass movement?

If you are, then rest assured I will vote for you….I love this country and for years if we have given buffoons the chance to be leaders, we may as well give a few years to you…..Let you institute your Civil Society Government with your Jan Lokpal. Let’s spend a few thousand crores more on salaries and scrubbed bathroom floors. Anna, let’s have you as the Prime Minister.

Till then Anna…just a small reminder – Years back a society not as free as ours rose up in protest. They were butchered with tanks in a picturesque square that represented people power.

Anna….We are Indian…Thank God for small mercies

Warm Regards

Yahoo...Suku Suku

In the heart of political sensationalism and pouring rains, there was an incident of great import to people like me. The passing away of Shammi Kapoor was and will be a matter of sadness for me and millions of his fans elsewhere.
His contribution to coming of age is great. Greater than what Anna is doing and great than what Manmohan uncle unleashed in the 90s. Back in the 60s, before I was born, before my parents were married, there was this man…Fat, obnoxious and very good looking who went to town with his swagger and sexuality. In the days of Raj Kapoor, Dev Anand and Dilip Kumar, here was a guy who was unabashedly different….extremely unconventional….very loud…very funny…..

He turned his lack of dance skills into a fine art, he made his stocky frame break into pieces, negating his fat with constant random motion…He made rock n roll mix with Bhangra…Desi style and he made his leading ladies go weak in their knees with one ill timed scream …..Yahoo….

I believe he gifted us Mohammed Rafi…in as much as Rajesh Khanna did Kishore Kumar.
When we were growing up, in college, up near and close with the opposite sex for the first time, it was their jugalbandi that gave us confidence. Sitting on the college steps belting out ‘Diwana Mujhsa Nahi’ with gullible feminine eyes looking at us, we so wanted to be him. We wanted to drive an outsized American car on thin mountain roads with brooks flowing by. We wanted to play drums the way that made our hair spray all over the place and dance the way that only un danced the floor…”Baar Baar Dekho Hazaar Baar Dekho” was pretty much the story of my first girlfriend. She was sucker to fall for it and I was not even a half decent singer.

And then there was the inevitably urbane and obviously sophisticated Sharmila in Kashmir Ki Kali…in a Kashmiri villagers dress (no less)….being romanced by a large if good looking man who couldn’t stand straight. He jumped into the Daal Lake and lip synched with passion that lent Mr Rafi a whole new dimension altogether…..An entire generation after the 60s, in the late 80s, Shammi Kapoor was still dictating the way we thought of romance.

It was not about candle lit dinners and long drives….It was that and much more. If the object passion showed too many nakhras even after the songs and the dinners and the long drives….you just did things the Shammi Kapoor way …… Yahoooo

It was not only when he was romancing them, but also when he was being romanced. His is the image that comes to mind when one thinks about a archetypal spoilt brat giving a tough time to his dearly beloved for some flaky reason or the other…So when Asha Parekh of the big behind and bigger eyes fame, sang Sona Re to a pouting Shammi Kapoor, we youngsters went into raptures…’that’s exactly how we want our GFs to behave’ ….. It was wow time. In a country where men never cried or pouted, it was Shammi’s pout and ready tears and general persona that defined the birth of the Indian Metrosexual. A persona that was not related to the overriding problems of the Indian diaspora, but a man who was and will be forever a symbol of urbane sophistication that is however rough around the edges….that can play a guitar and a drum and scream out loud when cornered …Yahoooooo. And this long before the 1990s when the word in question came into being.
Shammi Kapoor, Good morning. You are as alive as you were in the 60s. We are fast approaching the middle years and yet your voice still resonates in our ears and reverberates around the heart walls. Yahoo….Shammi (Once born…never dead)

Random Love

Like us many have spoken over this spring,
But they were gone in the twinkling of an eye,
Like us, many have broken down on love
But few had the roots to build on it

Love is not a common man on the street
Its value is in its invincibility
That which can be broken down
Is never love in its entirety

We can grow as we go on
In this utopia or outside
For in either case my dear dear love
I remain and YOU remain

Amake Amaar Moto Thakte Dao

Recently this song has become very popular in Kolkata. The imageries that go with the lyrics are superb. Cant possibly explain the same in English, but I still tried to translate the song into English in Angrezi...leaving out the effective essense. But it was that or nothing....

Let me be the way I am
I have set myself the way I need to be
All I couldn’t have ..is best that way
That’s why I have reason to live

That twilight zone in your world hits me
Like brightness through crushed stained glass
If you want to fly let yourself go
I wont look for you again

There is a bit of chaos in life right now
Amidst that I try to write a new story
I need to cut away all that clung on
So I try and I try

Suddenly if love pours down
Like streaming life in the light of dawn
You can look for me with misty eyes
You will find that I am gone

Try not to light a lamp for me
I am lost in the patterns of humanity
I am finding my way again through the wall
Looking for a way to break it down

All the dreams that run through your blood
Are restless , are random and fast
When you take a pause just consider
When this dream slipped through your fingers

I want to miss the symphony of your life
Fade away like the ripples it caused
Never again will I go with your flow
I like this anonymity

Maoists...the world over

Hate political views...but I ask the elitists in support of Maoists (including the present, live and yet lamented Ms Roy) ...all the people who travel and get blown up by landmines and shifted tracks, all the policemen and children killed...were they all rich multinationals? Anti establishment is good, but blind violence? If they have the guts why dont they go blow up a steel plant or something? And if they are so downtrodden and poor, where are they getting their arms from? If the money as they say, is coming from elitist capital mongers, then their entire premise is self defeating.

So it all boils down to political power and its road to economic power. History shows that political power is often just the first step towards absolute corruption. History has more than enough examples to quote and so I wont waste any space here

Ms Roy (a tragi comical character at best and a rabble rouser par excellence), says and I quote ‘(The rebels are) people who live with their dreams, while the rest of the world lives with its nightmares…..’ The irony of the situation is that for the hundreds of families and friends who have lost their sole bread earners and their hopes for the future, these nightmares (as quoted) are the creation of these very ‘innocent dreamers’ and their leaders. Of course its stupid to imagine that all the people with their ‘strange arsenal’ are cold blooded killers, however, these ‘dreamers’ are controled by people who will, at the end of the road, either die, or achieve huge political power, and create, another class of elites. The fighters, the foot soldiers, the dreamers, will end up, as in hundreds of other revolutions, as small time state employees struggling to make ends meet.

Ms Roy goes on “I’m surrounded by these strange, beautiful children with their curious arsenal,” she wrote. “They’re all Maoists for sure . . . Are they all going to die? . . . What for? To turn all of this into a mine?” Dear Ms Gullible Roy, as the revolution is won, and power is shifted to the hands of the formidable Maoists, Mine companies in their black Mercs, will woo them like there is no tomorrow. There is wealth in those lands – if geography lessons are to be believed, and this wealth will find its way into the GDP…Dreamers or not. So those very ‘Dreamers with their strange arsenal’ will end up getting displaced in any case , or, go to work in one of these so called Multinationals.

History is witness…”Capitalism has ended poverty in more places than a few”. These very elitists, barring a ideological few have benefitted tremendously from Capitalism. There is no logical alternative as of now. If there is, then I would support it whole heartedly. Nehru tried with Socialism, and indeed was succesful to a great extent…only its in tatters now…have been from the 70s really. Communism and Maoism as they were meant to be have failed the world over and natural resources have been exploited from times immemorial for the benefit of mankind. Of course its not correct. But what does one do! Ms Do Good Roy would do well to fight for lowering of the birth rate and killing of extra people. Or maybe, that’s what she is supporting. All the people getting killed in the process will use that much less minerals.

The State Machinery is like her twin brother. Demented, slow and burdened with vested interests, India plods on. Do we use air power? Do we send in the Army? Do we go to the loo? O my dear hungry politicians, please understand….Money can buy anything…so throw in the developmental card…build nice roads, give tax breaks, give social security, build hospitals and siphon some of the funds for the Maoist leaders and the local politicians from all parties, and you will have a functioning democracy. In the meantime seal your borders with the great Chinese Nation and the pathetic Bangladeshis….keep a close watch on the Nepali and Myanmarese and you will find that this ‘Nightmare for the rest us’ may just dissapear.
Of course its not so simple. You, my dear Political Big Wigs, have made it complicated beyond comprehension. Now its time to uncomplicate. Its time to be satisfied with the money you have already made and the power you already have. Its time to look beyond Switzerland to India. Its time to make the Maoists rich.
Get some of the Trillion odd dollars hidden away in banks the world over to save your own power base guys.

As for Ms Gullible Roy…Get real….find something good to do. And yes, next time you go publishing articles in Capitalist newspapers, don’t take any fees….